Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
