So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
