Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
