It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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