using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
