home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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