She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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