he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
