Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
