Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
