Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
