the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am one with the molecules
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
