just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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