Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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