I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
