the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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