I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
