Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
