why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
