drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
