oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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