I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
