I look better un-naked...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
