I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
