shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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