That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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