Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
