wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
