New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
