i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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