Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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