remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
