That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
