Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
