I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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