i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
