You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
