woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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