I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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