it hurts more in the daytime
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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