I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
