I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
