Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
