the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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