you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
