I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
