Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
