she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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