First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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