I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did i walk over a car last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
