Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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