More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
