my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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