She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
