hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
